Unnecessarily Pretentiously Alternative

The Invitation
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Its been asked time and again, throughout the ages. What is the purpose of it all? The purpose of family, friends, jobs, schooling, religion, god, morals, decisions, children, pets, houses, stuff, thoughts, beliefs.
It all seems a vicious cycle. We work to pay for stuff, we give the stuff away, or we keep it or we put it in the dump. We make decisions based on morals. We hold to the morals because..? It makes us feel good, or because that's what we've been taught, or because that's what our particular society dictates, or just for no good reason at all... Just Because.

That is a good answer isn't it? The purpose of it all is 'Just Because'. Just because we humans need something to 'do'. We need to feel successful, we need to strive for something. We need recognition, we need wealth, we need to feel better than someone else. We need ... we need ... we need.

What if we didn't need. What if whatever we had was enough. What if whatever situation we find ourselves in, we find it to be a perfect fit ~ Always. We don't question if it could be better, we don't judge what another person has or doesn't have. We don't compare, we just enjoy, relish and bask in the perfect fit  - until the very moment that it changes. Because it will change. That's a guarantee. But then the change comes and we find that it is a perfect fit too. And we don't grieve over what we had, because we can see that now it would not be a perfect fit anymore. Our purpose has changed, circumstances have changed. We are ready for the next situation, stage, experience.

If this is how we lived than would the purpose just to 'be'? Just to enjoy each moment whatever the situation is? Not striving, not worrying about making decisions, not trying to do what is 'right'. Underlying this all, would kindness to self and others still prevail?

Maybe that is the ultimate purpose of life - simply... Kindness. Kindness to self, to one another, to creatures, to our land, to our perceived enemies, to our possessions, to our beliefs and the beliefs of others.
I'm  happy with that. I can sleep on that.  

My purpose is simply ... Kindness.

Ohh, I expect so much from myself. I require perfection always. In every thought I have, in the way I sit, the way I lay down, the way I cook, clean, talk....  in everything. I'm inundated with the need for perfection. I can hear my mother saying "Quit being so hard on yourself!" Ok, Mom... I'm ready. I'm done with perfection. I'm committed to looking at the thoughts as they arise and sitting awkwardly, cooking stinky food sometimes, talking out of turn, and allowing myself not to look so perfect. All for whom? It's only for me. No one else really cares about these things. It's only me that has insisted on this crazy way of life.

I had my first experience getting high on weed.
What a trip - a journey through different experiences - 6 to be exact. As I moved through each experience, I found a few moments of coherency and could clearly put thoughts together, until I felt the slipping into the next experience. Physically my fingertips and my tongue tingled.

The first experience began shortly after the final pull. Time expanded to the capacity that I could feel the space between the seconds. There was a equal moment of feeling me touching him, feel the hammock, feel the blanket and an equal moment of feeling the space between our touch, between the hammock and between the blanket. In that moment, there was nothing touching me, just a vast empty space surrounding me completely. I could feel the moment between my words and thoughts. The vastness of that extra second contained so much more thoughts that my mind could comprehend. And the working through of those thoughts was quick and seamless. All I could say was "There's so much to say". I moved back and forth through coherent thought. For every moment of reality, there was a pull towards unreality. For my voice there was also another, each opposing each other. One fought for control of being, the other propelled spontaneity, laughter, any thought, any idea, any topic, didn't matter if it was proper, it was about freedom. The control being fought hard. When I felt the urge to laugh - the control being allowed a small sputtering laugh, but quickly brought it back under control. "What would it look like, what would people think if they could see my complete freedom, if I could laugh at nothing. No, you must remain under control, fight for it."
The second experience was the essence of touch. I could completely feel him, his every touch. His hands were huge, his movements smooth. I was completely absorbed in that moment.
The third experience was of silly giddiness. Everything was funny - if only the control being would let it be. It was a continual tug of war between the desire for abandoned humor and the control of emotion.
The fourth - passion. The words to describe are hard to come by. Hard to put a 4 dimensional experience onto a 2 dimensional paper.
The fifth experience pulled me back to age 5. I could see, feel, hear, smell every sensation from that time. I had some things to work through. I had some images to re-capture, to set free, to accept, to forgive. And it all came. An understanding that I've never had before as to the thoughts and experiences of that time. I've never before been able to go back there with such clarity, such wording and identifying how I feel, what I am doing, why I am doing it. I could describe in detail and put words to an experience that was very prominent in my childhood. I cried, and it felt so good.
And Six... a journey into the heart of God through the story of Noah. Don't ask me why Noah?? I have no clue. But I was left with frustration and confusion over why a God so powerful, loving and accepting could kill his own people - his own creation. Is there a conspiracy? Is there a line to pull? Is there something being hidden throughout history that could potential destroy the authorities that have the current power? If I don't pull the line, if I don't believe the stories - what happens? Is the hell/heaven scene merely a smoke screen for something more powerful available to us?

And then rest - it finally came.

I took a street view of the story of Noah. Got right down to the level of the people, the environment, the noise, the activity and this is what I saw.
I don't know the population of the earth at this time, but even if there were 100,000 people - a small community of people, a growing populace. They were living, working, breathing... doing their thing. All except for 8 people. Then one man, Noah, heard directly from God to start building this gigantic boat. Maybe it took him 100 years to build it. He devoted all his time and energies to this. Who supported his family in the process? What kind of endurance and perseverance did he show by building this unknown structure day in and day out for 100 years?
Upon its completion, God looked at the rest of the people on the earth and decided they were a disgrace. They weren't good enough, they were wicked, he had no hope in them, he found them to be despicable - foolish - disobedient - so much so that he AGAIN destroyed them. Not just with a small plague but complete and utter massaker. Destroyed his whole of creation except those that could cram on the boat.
What kind of a God is this? First destroying communication at the Tower, now killing every last of his creation through a flood. I am not seeing a lot of love, devotion, hope, support, encouragement from this God. He keeps giving up on us. Keeps dictating how we must act, think, believe. No freedom for creativity and completely using the faculties, thoughts, creations that he has created us with.
Who's idea was this to portray a dictator type God? Who gains by wrapping us up in labels, laws, prescription, beliefs.
Then there is the other God that I was also introduce to. One that loves unconditionally, would give his life for me in a heart beat, wants the best for me, fills me with blessings day after day. And not only for me, but for everyone, all of creation - whether they recognize it or not. How is it that this same God can turn around and destroy his people? This does not compute people!!!
Is God himself on a journey of enlightenment. What once made him angry - he now fills that space with love? Where once much of his journey was filled with destruction, war, law - now he fills with understanding, peace, freedom. Is he still evolving too?

I've been contemplating the Tower of Babel story and have a few ponderings.

So prior to God stepping in and striking chaos throughout the people, life may have looked much like this:

There was peace within the nation. People listened to what was true for them and followed that. They didn't follow one human leader, one way of doing something, one belief, one culture. They simply listened to their hearts and what felt right and true for them. A great community of people who lived their lives this way gathered and began working on a mammoth project together. I personally am not sure what my take or belief is in the project that they were working on, but nonetheless, the project was underway. The vastness of the project required that there be incredible flow, respect, truth, love, generosity, kindness, goodness and community to even begin to be successful. Well this nation of people were well underway, living their truths and accepted others for their truths. Until, one day, God got wind of this. Like he wasn't paying attention at all in the beginning, but perhaps he was just observing to see. Could this nation truly remain in this flow of working together towards a common goal? Could they find the truth within themselves? Could they respect each other enough to work on this project? And alas, they could! They began to have success! And just in that very moment of success, God smashed it all to pieces. Why? Why the hell would God destroy this moment of truth? Was it because of the nature of the project? Was it because he was intimidated? Was it because he wanted to add another element and test the humans again to see if they could once again remain or regain the flow and truth? It would seem a bit ludicrous for God to destroy all this in an act of beating his chest saying  "Me God, You Human... Oi Oi, Me destroy your peace and put you back in your place".     Loving God eh?

I live a life of luxury! Just look:

• healthy children around me
• a beautiful house with room for everyone
• organic food galore
• clothing new and used, but all beautiful
• people who care
• a partnership with dignity and respect
• freedom to believe
• freedom to teach my children
• freedom to come and go
• freedom to thought
• freedom to take care of myself
• freedom to love
• deep rooted trees
• fresh eggs
• educational opportunities
• health care
• Dr's and nurses who offer support
• a bed to sleep in
• did I mention freedom.... sooo much freedom
• unconditional love for who I am and who I will be
• friends and family cheering on
• music

I can't even fathom it all. But I know I live in blessing. I know that the trivial day to day things are only stitches in the seams. They are temporary, I let not them dictate what the whole tapestry looks like. A bigger view, a greater perspective will show me the stitches are important, but only to hold things together, take off the bifocals, its the little details that make the whole so elaborate.

Life is settling, the day to day routine of 4 children, a home, a garden, relationships and community seem to fill the spare moments I once had to contemplate, meditate, bask. But it will return, it must return, my being requires it.
The ticket is presence, pure presence. Living in this exact moment, reveling in all that is on my plate, tasting each item, savouring, letting the flow just happen and examining my thoughts about it all. I live a life of luxury, there is nothing missing, lacking, or needing to be improved ~ Only my thoughts.

I suffer when I believe that I give more than I receive.

Is it possible. If the universe is ultimately kind and wants to provide what is the best for me, how can I not receive immense things. Love, provision, solace, peace, beauty no matter how it comes into existence. It's about being present with what is in front of me and not looking at all the intricate details of what made it that way. God's pulling the strings, I just need to pick up my foot and move forward.