Unnecessarily Pretentiously Alternative

 I think there are lots of correlations and lots of things that don't correlate between the church and awakening or enlightenment or whatever you want to call it. I haven't been able to answer many thoughts, but my church beliefs that have caused me to act a certain way to be accepted, not ask certain questions, taboo's, restrictions and stuff like that - those are the thoughts that I re-evaluate. Are they true, do they lead me to peace or anxiety/stress? My biggest clue of a belief that might not fit with me is if it brings me stress. My new relationship with God leads me to a strong belief that God is kind and that everything that happens is divinely planned. Even the things that don't fit within the rules of our society or church. When I belief God is complete kindness and love, then I can rest more peacefully know that he won't allow anything to happen that isn't going to be ok. (That includes death, illness, things not going the way we think they should) And that is how I've been able to buck some of our societal norms and come to a place of beautiful happiness in my alter-cultural life. I look at my life before, when I was living according to the rules of the church and society and see lots of stress, unhappiness, striving and discontent vs. now when I live my life on what is true for me. Now I have a constant underlying joy, contentment, knowing, and happiness that exists always - even the times when I do feel anxiety, stress, worry - the joy is underlying. I have that deep, deep knowing that everything is ok that I never had before.


In church I don't think I had that deep knowing that everything was ok because I was preoccupied with sin and what it was doing in my life. Nothing could be ok when I still sinned. Now my focus isn't on sin it's on peace.

My opinion on how people change...
People change when they find their current situation uncomfortable enough to stop complaining and do something. Once the decision is there, the best way to change is to just be and allow change to flow through you without judgement. The how... allowing new ideas, thoughts, beliefs to resonate and stew - one cannot help but change when new things begin to happen in the big empty cavity upstairs.

Everything He sends our way is good! How could it not be, he promises that his plans for us are to prosper us. Even when it seems to not be what we 'think' is best, it always is. Maybe there aren't really any 'pits', if we recognize that everything works together perfectly.


If we think we are in the midst of disaster, harm or calamity - that is not what God promises. Maybe its our thinking about the situation that causes us the suffering, not the situation itself. (Jer 29:11)

I have been through my own digging up and purging of many 'Christian' beliefs. Sometimes my head strong beliefs get in the way of actually knowing and loving God and me and the intimate relationship that we have. Some of my 'Christian' beliefs have hindered the way I can get to know God by putting Him in a box and saying He is only this way or only acts that way. When really God can do as he wishes! I'm committed to letting him do as he wishes without my judgement or rules of how things should be and look.

The Invitation
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Its been asked time and again, throughout the ages. What is the purpose of it all? The purpose of family, friends, jobs, schooling, religion, god, morals, decisions, children, pets, houses, stuff, thoughts, beliefs.
It all seems a vicious cycle. We work to pay for stuff, we give the stuff away, or we keep it or we put it in the dump. We make decisions based on morals. We hold to the morals because..? It makes us feel good, or because that's what we've been taught, or because that's what our particular society dictates, or just for no good reason at all... Just Because.

That is a good answer isn't it? The purpose of it all is 'Just Because'. Just because we humans need something to 'do'. We need to feel successful, we need to strive for something. We need recognition, we need wealth, we need to feel better than someone else. We need ... we need ... we need.

What if we didn't need. What if whatever we had was enough. What if whatever situation we find ourselves in, we find it to be a perfect fit ~ Always. We don't question if it could be better, we don't judge what another person has or doesn't have. We don't compare, we just enjoy, relish and bask in the perfect fit  - until the very moment that it changes. Because it will change. That's a guarantee. But then the change comes and we find that it is a perfect fit too. And we don't grieve over what we had, because we can see that now it would not be a perfect fit anymore. Our purpose has changed, circumstances have changed. We are ready for the next situation, stage, experience.

If this is how we lived than would the purpose just to 'be'? Just to enjoy each moment whatever the situation is? Not striving, not worrying about making decisions, not trying to do what is 'right'. Underlying this all, would kindness to self and others still prevail?

Maybe that is the ultimate purpose of life - simply... Kindness. Kindness to self, to one another, to creatures, to our land, to our perceived enemies, to our possessions, to our beliefs and the beliefs of others.
I'm  happy with that. I can sleep on that.  

My purpose is simply ... Kindness.

Ohh, I expect so much from myself. I require perfection always. In every thought I have, in the way I sit, the way I lay down, the way I cook, clean, talk....  in everything. I'm inundated with the need for perfection. I can hear my mother saying "Quit being so hard on yourself!" Ok, Mom... I'm ready. I'm done with perfection. I'm committed to looking at the thoughts as they arise and sitting awkwardly, cooking stinky food sometimes, talking out of turn, and allowing myself not to look so perfect. All for whom? It's only for me. No one else really cares about these things. It's only me that has insisted on this crazy way of life.